he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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