Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
