i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
