addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
