Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
