i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Randomize
