You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
