Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Sacagawea was the original milf.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
