Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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