Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
