So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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