mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
