i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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