Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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