Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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