guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
