Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
please come you make the beer taste better
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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