He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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