Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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