Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
you never un-have a 4some
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
