Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
