So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
