tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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