her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
