Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
