yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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