i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
