Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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