so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
