Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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