I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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