just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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