hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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