He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
