She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
