My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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