One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
