Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
