just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
