I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
