The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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