So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize