i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
