I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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