sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
