Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
