I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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