i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
