Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
