UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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