I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
